I Will Always Love You
by TheOnlySinfulOne
Summary: I wasn't sure if Antonio loved me- I was never sure. Why did that idiot have to be so confusing? I knew deep down we loved each other dearly, but how was I supposed to know this when he never said that to me...? The words I longed to hear. "I love you."
1. Chapter One: How Can I Be So Sure?

**Chapter 1: How Can I Be So Sure?**

I lay next to Antonio currently, staring up at the ceiling. He was fast asleep, the bastard. He'd fallen asleep immediately after we'd made love, though he was affectionately holding me currently in his sleep. I sighed, and rolled over in his arms to face away from him, my face crinkling with a slight pout. "_Bastard. Falling asleep so quickly._" I thought to myself in an agitated manner. I knew I acted like I hated him, but sometimes, deep down all I wanted was to hear him say "I love you".

This wasn't like me, but I couldn't help but feel tears well up in my eyes at the thought of Antonio not loving me. And it was an ever present thought. Nights like these were something that happened often lately. It was like I needed to hear it, needed him to reassure me.

I sniffled slightly, and Antonio stirred. I blinked, and closed my eyes, pretending to be asleep; trying to even my breathing out to make it believable.

Antonio's eyes opened, I knew he was awake because his arms pulled away from me and he sat up. He was looking at the clock as I opened my eyes a bit to see what he was doing. "Lovino?" He murmured. I felt a hand brush a tear away from my cheek. "What's the matter, Amor?" He asked softly.

"It's nothing." I muttered sleepily, "_Bastard._" I added half-heartedly, and I knew it wasn't believable. I felt the bed sag under his weight again as he lay back down and wrapped his arms around me.

"Tell me what's bothering you." Antonio said quietly, placing a kiss on my forehead when I rolled over to look at him. My face turned a deep crimson, but I closed my eyes and shook my head vigorously.

"Jackass, I said its nothing!" I muttered, though I found myself burying my face in his chest and leaning into his embrace more. I could feel him shift, and went to utter my words of protest but was cut off as he pulled me into a sudden kiss. "Hey-!"

My eyes widened, and I at first wanted to push away. He was stronger than me, though, and despite my efforts to push away he held my arms tightly. I winced slightly at the roughness of his grip. I whimpered as he pulled away slightly, frowning at him. "Antonio?" I said, disliking how weak my voice sounded right now. He had this way of making me melt under his touch, even more so with those kisses.

"What is it, Lovino?" Antonio asked in return now, and I huffed, puffing my cheeks out and giving him a glare.

"Antonio, you tomato bastard...do you really love me?"

"L-Lovino, why are asking this so suddenly?" He asked softly, "I shouldn't have to tell you something like this; you should know. You should know very we-"

"Y-You're lying! You don't love me!" I raged, pushing him away from me abruptly and sitting up. "You would've flat out said it if you really truly loved me!" I shut my eyes tightly. "Tomato bastard! Fuck off! I-I hate your guts!" I threw insults at him so easily, and meant none of them. But it was just the way I was, it came naturally, the way I talked. I truly couldn't deny my feelings for the other even as I got up out of the bed and dragged on my pants and shirt; shrugging into my jacket despite being so tired.

It was late, I knew it. But I didn't give a damn. Tears stained my cheeks as I stalked downstairs, followed by Antonio with nothing but a blanket wrapped around him. "H...Hey..." He said, voice now sounding hurt. I hunched up my shoulders, feeling terrible on the inside; deep down I wanted to apologize for what was happening. But there was no way. I was going to get the hell out of there.

I turned and gave him a half-hearted glare before going to the door and slipping my boots on. "Call me a damn cab!" I said, but he didn't move. "...shit, I'll do it my God damn self then!" I moved to call a cab for myself, though I wasn't sure where the hell I would go. Or what I was going to do when I got there. I'd likely just go straight back home, being at Antonio's place didn't do me any good.

When the taxi was called, I cast one last glance at him as it arrived and I walked out the door.

XXX

The next day, I woke up, almost expecting to see Antonio next to me. That's when it hit me hard, everything that had happened last night. When I pushed myself up on an arm, I realized I'd been crying throughout the night. True, I had cried myself to sleep, but when I woke up, even then my pillow was wet with tears.

I scoffed lightly; I could live without him. I could live my life just fine and I could protect myself…right? I got up and dressed myself, realizing it was already afternoon and my phone was ringing off the hook anyway. There were at least twenty to thirty missed calls, probably Feliciano, worrying to death about me. I reluctantly fished my cell phone out of the pocket of my pants and flipped it open, pressing talk. "He- Feli." I said, exasperated. "What do you want? You were worried about me. I'm fine, Feli...no I have not been crying! I'm hanging up now. Fratello! Stop calling me, I'm fine!" With that, I flipped my phone shut and pocketed it again, not wishing to deal with my brother right now. I wondered if he had found out about me and Antonio, and that's why he was calling. He hadn't mentioned anything about the Spaniard, though.

There wasn't too much I could do right now. I couldn't go back to Antonio, I needed time to cool off and think about what was happening. When my phone went off, I figured it was just my brother again. Though looking at the caller ID, it read Antonio. I simply ignored it, not wanting to talk to him at the moment. I just couldn't deal with it right now.

I glanced at my bed, going and laying down, curling up. I couldn't do this; I just could not function today. I stayed there for most of the day, refusing to leave my room even when Feliciano came to visit. He tried to make me leave my room, but I just rolled over and buried my face in my pillow; refusing to tell him why I was being this way.

He wouldn't leave the house, and I knew it was no use in trying to convince him to go back home. That dummy was far too worrisome.

Ignoring his presence, I locked the door to avoid any further intrusions and left Feliciano downstairs to go back to my room for sleep. It didn't take me long to fall asleep, as I had been feeling exhausted anyway.


	2. Chapter Two: Gone From Bad To Worse

**Chapter Two: Gone From Bad To Worse**

When I woke up the next day, I got up and went about my day as normally as I could. I didn't find it...overly easy...but I would try and deal with it. I currently sat at the kitchen table in a typical lazy manner, staring at my phone as if waiting for it to ring. When it didn't after a few minutes I got up, gathering some things together and making myself some pasta.

When the water was boiling, I flopped down in a chair and waited, putting my chin on just the edge of the table and eyeing my phone again. I reached over and flipped it open, lifting my head now and flipping through the phone numbers. Stopping at Antonio's, my finger hovered over the talk button. At best, I only came close to pressing it. I then flipped the phone shut and predictably, it rang. I seen Feliciano frown at me out of the corner of my eye.

Despite not wanting to talk to Antonio, and that I knew it was him, I still answered. All I heard were a few shaky breaths on the other line, nothing was said, and before I knew it he'd hung up. "God damn it! Tomato bastard, if you're going to call after we got into an argument at least say something!" I yelled, slamming my phone down on the table.

I looked up in time to see the water boil over the sides of the pot. "Oh, come on!" I rushed over and turned the stove off, slipping oven mitts on and immediately putting it over in the sink; turning on the cold water. I'd spilled it on myself in the process, and found myself cursing madly and rushing to get the hot water off myself in a failed attempt.

I silently glared at the pot in the sink, tossing the oven mitts off onto the floor and covering my face with my hands. "Could this day get any worse!" I muttered to myself, grabbing a dishcloth now and cleaning spilled water from the floor. This was the point that Feliciano got up and came over to me, attempting to comfort me, but I pushed him away and glared. "Don't." I needed someone to talk to; to pour my feelings out to, but it would make me seem weak. I sure as hell didn't want that. I'd avoid Antonio 'til the day I died, if I had to, now. Though I did kind of want to go and see him, as I usually did around this time. He probably hated me now, though.

I couldn't bear the feeling of hurt I felt in my heart. I knew I needed to do something to distract myself. Maybe a walk was a good idea... I sighed, abandoning the spilled water and slipping my coat on over my thin sweater.

I pulled on my boots, and then headed out the door; looking up at the sky, I noticed it was snowing. I could hear my brother hollering after me asking where I was going, but I simply ignored him and continued walking. He was watching me out the window, obviously worried, but I wasn't in the mood.

"Damn." I muttered, now taking a pair of gloves from my pocket and pulling them on, then shoving my hands in my pockets. "Damn cold weather," I muttered to myself, "Damn snow, damn fratello, and damn tomato bastard!" I kicked the ground angrily, tears welling up at the corners of my eyes. "God damn it all!" I rubbed the tears away frantically, staring at the ground and hunching up my shoulders. I had to be strong, I just had to try.

I wouldn't cry, I wouldn't, I could simply not cry! It wasn't in me to, I denied, though deep down I knew I would eventually have a breakdown. As I walked through the streets, I caught a glimpse of Antonio in the park a street or two over from my house. When he caught my gaze, I turned and walked away; not wanting him to see my face tear-streaked.

The next thing I knew I felt a hard impact against my body; the sound of screeching tires, the smell of burning rubber. I felt heat around me. There was screaming, and I could hear people running. I could hear sirens, and Feliciano's panicked voice as he ran out of the house. The next thing I knew, someone was holding me, dragging me away from the apparent car accident. The last thing I heard before losing consciousness was an ambulance siren and a voice saying desperately, "Oh, God, please be okay! Please be okay!" accompanied by a sobbing and upset Feliciano in the background.

XXX

My eyes fluttered open and I was surrounded by white walls I was also hooked up to some different machines I didn't quite recognize. There were steady, 'Beep's going off from the machines I was hooked up to, and I had an IV in my hand. "Wha..." A searing pain ran through my head, and all I seen were bright white lights for a moment.

That was when I realized I wasn't alone. Figuring out slowly where I was, I realized I wasn't alone in the hospital room for sure. I expected to see nurses and doctors swarming about, but when I looked over I suddenly seen a hand in mine. Following from there and up to a face riddled with worry, I seen Antonio; his face tear-streaked. "A-Anto-...tomato bastard." I said weakly, struggling to sit up.

"D-Don't strain yourself!" Antonio's voice came out weakly, almost a mere whisper, as he clutched my hand tighter. I pulled it away instantly, crossing my arms. "Don't...don't touch me..." I muttered, looking away, knowing the hurt was clear in my eyes. I seen Feliciano sitting on the other side of my bed with his head in his hands, and frowned. "I-I still hate you." I chanced a look at the Spaniard, and then noticed his arms were in bandages up to his elbows. "Wha...what happened?" I murmured, turning around to take one of his arms. I examined the bandages, frowning when he winced at my touch.

"I got burns from pulling you away from a car that was on fire after it hit you, Lovino..." He said, his voice pained; I let go of his arm now and looked up at his face with a glare. "You idiot, what'd you go and do that for?" I cried, "You shouldn't have risked it! It's common sense!"

"L-Lovino, calm down, you're going to raise your heart rate!" Antonio said worriedly, not wanting my condition to worsen. "Look, I know we aren't getting along so well, but if it hadn't have been for me you'd be much worse off right now!" He blurted out, taking me by the shoulders. I cringed, and he loosened his grip, though I didn't pull away. "Stop being this way. Lovino, please! Don't be so stubborn! Lovino, lo siento, lo siento ... Por favor, llévame de vuelta! Te amo!"

"Asino! Non mi toccare!" I cried now, gritting my teeth. "B-Bastard, let go!" I struggled a bit, but only found this hurt far too much. "Ngh! O-Ow..." This caused Feli to jump up, looking ready to bolt out of the room. Probably for a nurse. I waved a hand at him, though still slightly hunched over in pain. "Sit, Feliciano, I'm okay."

"...Stop this, Lovino... I-I mean it, I love you!" Antonio said, now burying his face in my shoulder and putting his arms around me. I was in my right mind to push away, but didn't, knowing it'd only hurt me further. "Let go. Now. Before I call a damn nurse!" I didn't like all this drama, and having family here didn't help me much either. I was sure Feliciano didn't like seeing all this going on.

I lay back on the bed, as he slowly, reluctantly let me go. I had a glare on my face and I was definitely not impressed. Though I was kind of glad he was here, I'd never admit it. "Send Feli home, Antonio, he shouldn't be here."

"P-Protest all you want, Lovi... I'm not leaving your side until you recover though..." Antonio said quietly, now sitting with his arms crossed. "You should know I won't. And doesn't your brother have a right to be here?" He looked at the other Italian seated on the other side, only to see him get up and leave.

"I don't see what point you have in being here." I said bitterly, beginning to feel tired. My mind was reeling with words of what he said previously as well, making me all that much more tired. "But fine. Waste your time." I rolled over, and closed my eyes, taking my pillow and hugging it in my arms as tightly as I could. Now all I could do was wait it out until I got better, meanwhile sorting everything that was going through my mind. I slowly drifted off to sleep, ignoring Antonio's presence though he continued watching over me the whole time. I was glad that Feliciano had listened and left to go home. I didn't want to be seen like this. As for Antonio, he couldn't be swayed to leave.

Though my sleep was troubled, I did manage to sleep through the rest of the day and right through to the next morning. It was slightly fitful, and I had been in pain throughout I was sure. But its not like it mattered.


	3. Chapter Three: Coma

**Chapter Three: Coma**

I was, at the moment, alone in my hospital room. I figured Antonio had left sometime while I was sleeping, and I kind of wished he was still here. But if he didn't want to stay, I'd deal with it. I still didn't need him. I stared at the horrid hospital food in front of me, and sighed deeply, finishing off the last few bites and shoving the tray away. At least it was on wheels, which made things a lot easier, considering I wasn't allowed to get out of the damn bed without any help.

I looked around boredly, laying my head back against the wall as my body was propped up against the pillow currently, to try and rid myself of the terrible back pains I was currently in. According to the doctor I was lucky not to be in a wheelchair right now. I couldn't walk, true, but as soon as I recovered I'd be fine to walk by myself. For the time being I would just have to have some kind of help, whether I liked it or not. "Well, at least the doctors and nurses are nice..." I muttered, "Even though I've been stubborn as all hell toward them." As I was saying this, the door opened and shut, and I almost expected to see a nurse. Instead, I was face to face with Antonio again; this time he held a bag which appeared to hold his belongings and a parcel of some sort.

"What are you doing back here?" I asked him, still bitter about the other day.

"I brought you something, an apology." Antonio said, shrugging and walking over to me. He held out the parcel I'd previously been wondering about, and I stared at it as if it were a bomb.

"Why the hell are you giving me this?"

"Because." He sighed softly. "I thought you'd get bored, so I got you something."

"Ah...you did...?" I was a bit taken off guard by this; what could he possibly give me? I pushed it away, shaking my head. "No, I can't take it."

"Wh-What? Why not...!" He pushed it into my hands, and I curled my fingers around it, having no choice but to take it. "I thought you'd be at least a little bit happy."

I gave a flustered look, and turned my head to look away, then stared at the box now in my hands. "Fine." I pulled the undecorated wrapping off it slowly, and a pencil rolled into my lap. "A...pencil? What is...?" When I pulled the rest of the brown paper away it was a small drawing book. Now, where on Earth he'd gotten the idea to give me this I didn't know... But I was a little more than thrilled to receive something like this from him.

"Hmph. G-Grazie." I said as quietly as I could, setting the small book aside on the table and putting the pencil beside it. "But how did you know I like to draw...?"

"Er...just a hunch." Antonio replied, ever optimistic smile on his face.

"...You found my drawings when you were at my house." I thought I had hid those well... "Didn't you?"

"Wh-What? No, I... They were good drawings, alright?" He shot me a knowing smile. "I want to see more."

I began to wonder just _which _of my drawings he'd found. Oh, well...it didn't matter. Perhaps on one of those nights I couldn't sleep because of the pain I'd draw a little something up in it, just to pass time. But compared to my own brother's artwork mine was not even all that great. Feliciano got so much praise for his artwork, which is why I became so reluctant to let anyone see mine.

I stared at the blankets, clutching them a bit tightly in my fists. I really didn't want to accept the stupid gift, but he seemed happy to have given it to me. Did he really like my drawings that much? I noticed him now staring at me, and realized he was waiting for me to reply. "I guess so. G-Grazie, for the drawing book, either way..." I muttered. "What's with that bag?"

"It's my clothes. You didn't expect me to stay here without any clean clothes, did you?" Well, that explained a lot. He hadn't left. He'd just gone out temporarily to go home and get some of his belongings. I was right.

"I-I...see... Hmph. Guess you really aren't going to leave my side until I'm better." I sighed deeply, giving him a sideways glance before biting my lip lightly. "Help me get up."

"H-Huh? You shouldn't be walking around." Antonio reluctantly helped me stand, though, and I closed my eyes at his touch. Only to be snapped back to reality at a light touch on my cheek.

Not knowing what it was at first, I put my hand on my cheek. Or so I thought I did, anyway, but instead felt the Spaniard's hand under mine. I opened my eyes with a slightly dumbfounded look, than glared and pulling my hand away. "Don't you dare start getting all sappy on me. I told you I still hate yo-!" I trailed off, shutting my eyes again as I began to feel dizzy. "Wha..." Antonio, noticing this, wrapped his arms around me as I went limp. After this, I couldn't remember anything.

I fell into a coma after this moment; no one knew what triggered it, or why it had happened, but for the two weeks I was out cold it was nothing but nightmares. All I knew was that when I woke up I'd be some damn happy to see that same Spaniard's face; but those two weeks in a coma were surprisingly hellish for me, nightmares occurring to me every night like that. All I knew were those same nightmares all that time.


	4. Chapter Four: Waking

**Chapter Four: Waking**

_Two weeks after the coma…_

A nurse was buzzing around the room, replacing bags of liquid attached to IV poles. I groaned and this caused her to look at me strangely, before gaping and yelling, "Doctor! Come quick, he's awake! He's awake!" I was confused at the sudden hustle and bustle, beginning to feel lightly panicked.

The sound of sobbing by my bed gave me a jolt, and arms wrapped around me. "Fratello!" Feliciano sobbed, clinging desparately to me. "You're awake!" I pushed him off, confused. "What, how long was I—"

"Two weeks." Came the doctor's voice as he stepped in to see that I was awake. "We didn't think you'd wake up. It didn't look like you were going to." He smiled slightly. "I'm glad to see you're feeling better, you'll probably be glad to know that your two friends here didn't leave your side."

Confused, I looked around, to see Antonio looking at me with tear-streaked eyes. "Lovino." He murmured, giving me a half-hearted smile. "You're…you're awake."

The doctor looked between the three of them, then opted to lead Feliciano out so he could speak to him. The two were outside the room and I couldn't hear a word they were saying because they'd closed the door. But I didn't care. Looking at Antonio, he was a mess.

"You waited for me to wake up? All that time, you waited?" I asked, with a frown.

"Yes." The Spaniard said with a nod, biting his lip. "Lovino, I loved you all this time, can't you see that? But I didn't know it was so important for me to let you know that. From now on, I'll smarten up. I'll let you know daily, I love you, with all my heart." He stood, lip quivering slightly, and he held me tightly. "Te amo, Lovino, te amo…"

I hesitantly wrapped my arms around him when he started to sob into my shoulder, fighting off tears myself, before finding I was unable to hold back. I cried with him, repeating apologies again and again. I hadn't meant to hurt him so much, I had just gone through a phase. "Antonio, I'm sorry, I am…"

Author's note: Well, after a long, long, long time of me not updating, I finally got around to it.

I'm sorry for making everyone wait so long, and I'm sorry for the lame ending, but this is the best I could come up with. I had intended to write this last chapter for a very long time and just didn't get around to it.

Enjoy!


End file.
